All that matters is a healthy mom and a healthy baby, right?

Wrong.

Photo by Daniel Lobo

In pregnancy and birth, a healthy outcome is the number one priority for your care provider. Their job is to ensure the health of both you and your baby. But for you, your family, and your doula, there is more to it than that.

Your heart matters too.

A healthy mom and a healthy baby are absolutely a priority, and it is the care providers job to oversee that. But saying that is the only thing that matters dismisses the mother as an emotional being with thoughts and feelings.

When birth plans change…

We know that you have hopes for your birth. Maybe you have pictured in your mind how it will happen. Perhaps you have plans for where, when, and who will be with you.

It is always impossible to plan something as unpredictable as birth, but there are certain things we hope for. It might be a home or birth centre birth. It can be spontaneous labour. It might be a scheduled caesarean birth or an epidural.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, the path you were expecting has to change.

We will never tell you to go against your care providers advice, but we will tell you that it is okay to grieve the loss of the birth experience you had hoped for. 

It does not make you a bad mother or a terrible person because you have big, complicated, and confusing feelings about changes to your birth plan.

It is okay to grieve. It is okay to deviate from what you expected and hoped for. There is nothing wrong with wishing things were different.

We understand that your emotions may be mixed. We will support you as you work through those feelings. These are complicated moments and decisions and we will respect  your feelings.

We know you want to listen to your doctor. We know you will do anything to make sure your baby is safe. We also know that it isn’t as black and white as “healthy mom, health baby“.